nico rae (niccizgay2dayok) wrote,
nico rae
niccizgay2dayok

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bored bummed.... boom-bye-bee'yaw

  • name: nicole rae
  • sex: gal
  • sun sign: sagittarius
  • rising sign: aquarius
  • moon sign: pisces
  • place of birth: Thunder Bay, ON
  • time of birth: 10:15am (my twin was 10:13 slippery i tell ya)
  • and this down here.. is just spillage of our ADHD.. i take dexedrine for my adhd ..and haha even without it im still very much not into the sex ...not yet? not ever? ..but ya ya, never say never.. don't know til ya know.. so... lets see here.. me and my twin sis both been diagnosed with adhd about 12 yrs of age.. started takin the dexedrine since grade 10.... so ya.. i think it's been... 3 years now? ...and sometimes i feel like i don't accomplish nuttin outta it.... but another parta me.. totally does, because sure.. ever since we started takin'm... we've been extremely anti-social.. sorta lost interest in our friends (we care sometimes, but we like doin our own thing)... and we'll get phone calls from our real true friends.. which isn't a lot.. only like 2.. we aren't good with friends... we actually learned to avoid serious friendships --- cause we've blew too many -- and yikes how much guilt can ya handle eh? i mean, oops.. that didn't sound that ..nice.. but, eeeeee it's kinda true :/ it's just.. ever since these pills ...we seen somethin in us we never knew about before.. and sometimes we just think like ..are we fake? if we feel this? but then the doc says like ....bla bla.. everyone's gotta circuit in the backa their heads.. some are juiced some are dry... you're dry... that's why you've got the dex to juice up the dryness and make ya smart.. well.. not exactly those words.. but.. pretty much.. like jeez doc, you can just say it... haha, but no.. another thing that ..bothers me is... all of us with add/adhd.. sometimes think ...ahhh.. we're good for nuttin.. na na na.. and whoa.. trust me ..me and my twin been there done that.. and dwelled with this shite for the last 3 years of highschool... and now i think -- eww that's sick.. why did we ..waste time cryin over somethin so... uncryable ..i mean think... do you ever get that feelin.. like, you laugh at somethin... and it's like completely NOTHING to them.. but to you.. it's seriously hilarious... and they're all lookin atcha like ..."what the heck.. you're messed" ....then ya laugh more cause they don't see what you see.. and haha --- damn, us add/adhd'rs.. are made so be made fun of.. why? ..cause we're unique..different..weird..crazy... and it all adds up to our creative imaginative smartness that OUR eyes see ..and other people can't see... unless ya try explainin to ...people.. but haha, i've sorta quit wastin my breath.. they'll grow n' know.. one day ;).. but ya.. enough of that positive poppage.. let's get to the downside ..jk ..ahh.. i have downs.. but ahh, it all adds up in the end ....so ya... these days... life has been... wasteful people say ...but man.. i can ..just sit here.. and daydream and i wonder.. if out there --- in the real world would feel as good as my day dreams? .... cause if it aint.. i dont know what i'll do.. haha.. day dream my life away.. but to me.. it'd feel like i've accomplished something.. but ..to others it's a waste and all that.. well ofcourse it is.. but ..it's not? ..ahh.. whoa.. i dont know, all i know is.. without the pills.. me and my twin sis.. are completely lazy and wanna just eat laugh and screw around.. we dont think before we do when we're off the pills --- which i totally miss.. because, our spontaneous side people always known us for that.. so ya.. we'll be gettin all crazy and sure it can seem a lil attention-cravin at times...but this is pretty much the time where... things start to get broken.. and mom knows when we're pilless because of haha.. it.. and usually it takes us 5 hours later the kick in of ".. oh man, ...we did that? oops?" with laughs and ahh.. i know laughin isnt good at bad times like that, but it's so much harder without the pills ..our whole body feels.. tingly and ticklish? ..haha.. i hope someone else can relate... ...so after gettin in trouble or feelin hated or ..disliked.. we'll be pilled next day... and behaviour gets chilled... and we're total different people with the pills ..more.. on time, caring sometimes uhh it sucks ..feels too boring or somethin, sometimes too perfect?... but, if we skip a dose or overdose a lil ... we get overfocused.. and that's when our obsessive cleany side takes place.. and we'll stay up allll morning.. cleaning our room and re-arranging furniture, beds... oh shite.. everything haha... and the next day.. we'll be sittin around again.. and when things get quiet and boringish.. we'll re-arrange again... and our mom gets so tired of how much we clean.. to us.. we'd think oh she'd be proud but she's always sayin ..uhh, you guys waste your time doing this and that.. when u can be doin this... and haha, mom.. we dont wanna hear that.. :/ .... crap, so.. it just depends alot.. cause there's so many different modes of the dexedrine...
  • numb,drained,thinkably insane..need to be alone now -- zone
  • caring,into the convo mode,wanna meet anyone,talktalktalk..sometimes feel like we're talkin too mature and it feels all ugly and ...all "robotic movements" zone
  • nervous,heart thumpish,can't breathe,stutterish,guilty?flushed in the face,gotta run gotta hide (dont wanna deal with people sometimes) zone
  • dreamy,comfy,relaxing,laughing,artistic,lyrics,lets make a song mode <--- gotta be my fav..
  • ..and ofcourse the highly strung, engergetic, off the walls,in the mood to work out mode... ....dexedrine gets actin a lot like a steroid</center> ....and yikes... addicting too! .....im sick'a relying on the pills
    just hope we won't be livin on them all our life..
    ....oh by the way.. we don't really have a life to start with.. we live in a house of 4 girls.. mom (who's a libra=unbalanced) brittany (lil sis love her boy toys) and my twin (amanda.. she's older.. but im cooler) ...haha jk.. oh and im nicole.. so ya, that's about it.. and we live in the bush on a lake called eva ..check'r out here
    sometimes wonder if sag's = ADHD automatically?..
    goodnight..nico
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